The Perfect Date?

I was sitting in his living room, whilst on our second date
We were cuddled up all cosy, and it wasn’t even late
When suddenly he turned to me “there’s something you should know
And underneath his trousers, something big began to grow.

“You seem quite understanding and I’m hoping, that..well..maybe
You wouldn’t be too bothered if I dressed up as a baby
Over there are cuddly toys, they’re right next to my dummy
and if I promise to be good, perhaps you could be my Mummy?

He unzipped his corduroy trousers and he opened up a drawer
“You have to do this properly, or I might get rather sore”
He removed a tube of lotion and a large white fluffy nappy
and a Teletubbies changing mat, dog-eared and fairly tacky

He brought out talcum powder and a shiny safety pin
A large new pack of baby wipes, and said “shall we begin?”
You need to pull my trousers down and clean up all my mess
It might be rather whiffy, but it’s fun too, nonetheless.”

He didn’t seem to notice my quite horrified expression
saying “this will be such fun I’m looking forward to this session
Quickly take my trousers down I think I need to wee
It will probably squirt everywhere, it usually does with me”

“You’ll need to use those baby wipes, shake powder on my willy
And once you’ve pinned my nappy on, add something pink and frilly
Then take that lovely blouse off; let me suckle on your breast
Cos I think you will agree with me that Mother’s Milk is best”

I quickly checked my watch and said “Oh dear is that the time?”
I promised my old Mother I’d be coming home at nine”
I buttoned up my jacket, picked up my bag and fled
And heard his voice through open door “Oh? Something that I said?”

© Jan Jack 2007